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18 babyyyyy [Oct. 20th, 2009|10:56 pm]
[i feel |calmcalm]
[jammin to |kiiiiiiiiinnndd whats your whats your]

It was nice to have MY OWN party because I got to integrate so many different people who had never met before,
and ALL the girls finally met pat and Lily. I'm pretty sure pat had a social anxiety attack HAHA but the weather was so PERFECT, how could he complain?
Everyone kept asking me if I was cold in my dress but It felt amazing to me.
It feels good, it really does.
Bekah is home free from the hospital and I feel like all my stress and pain has been lifted. My baby survived! She still has trouble spelling and reading some words, she doesn't remember math. But her personality is as bright as sunshine and I love her to death and will stay by her side.
Now I need to focus on me and get my shit together for art school.
Can't wait to start fresh!
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2009|10:39 pm]
[i feel |worriedworried]

I can't believe this is happening.
my babygirl! my bestfriend! THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS! whyyyyy did this happen? she is too young dammit!
her body lying there motionless. a machine does the breathing for her.
It tears me up. her long beautiful hair, all gone.
All we can do is wait and hope and hope and pray
for Bekah
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2009|03:48 pm]
[i feel |cheerfulcheerful]

i fucking love st. pete clay
i am at an all time high
and i have never been so happy
Linkchoke up the words

4th of july [Jul. 8th, 2009|12:46 pm]
[i feel |amusedamused]

What is better than spending 4th of july trippin on mushrooms??

It was so beautiful, everywhere I looked fireworks were exploding, people had sparklers and glow necklaces. I ran through the smoke with bottle rockets goin off over my head, it felt like I was in pirates of the Caribbean movie! The bathroom was too bright but the beach was perfect after people started leaving. "This is where I want to  be, with the ocean." I had clothes on but I ran around in the waves like a little kid, huge smile on my face. The moon lit up the whole ocean and the waves scurried up to my feet. The clouds were so big and dominant, huge dark shapes emerged. Me and Bekah layed on the sand and fireworks rained down over us. The sand was cool and I was instantly covered in it, it was in my underwear and leggings.
I had a tantrum when everyone tried to make me leave to get beer. Driving was weird, the car felt huge and Byron and his friends all poked their heads in the window making crazy faces. Fuckers. Why do people gotta fuck with you when you're tryin to have a good trip?
There were literally 30 people in line at 711, it was just too much and the tiles were moving. Traffic made me nauseous and I ran back to the beach where I was at peace. Such an experience, the people next to us shot off fireworks for 2 hours and the beach was soon empty. Me and Bekah connected, we were finally on that same heightened level. La la laaaa
Taking a shower was Chrissy's felt amazing water droplets were pulsing and I felt fresh. Pat picked me up late, still coming down and driving around. Sex on mushrooms doesn't work in the end because your mind can't stay focused you're just somewhere else.
But i slept just fine, and had crazyyy dreams.

Linkchoke up the words

vacay [Jun. 30th, 2009|01:47 pm]
[i feel |highhigh]

If you wanna hear about greece i have to tell you in person, i have too many stories.
It was absolutely amazing, breathtaking, beautiful, scary, fun, crazy!
I love traveling and I have a list of all the places I want to travel to before I am 35. I'm hooked.
Nothin gets me happier than wine, besides maybe smokin weed from mikey's hookah that we picked up in Turkey, or any hookah in general for that matter. But even the other night at Victoria's I could not handle the camel hose!
Greece was a whole different world, but now that I am back to reality I am enjoying the company of good friends.
Last night me and Chrissy's drunkasses were buying more wine, and then. at 711 the arabs gave us free pizza! They love us.
I am so happy to see Pat, Greece would have been better with him there. I missed my boo! Or maybe I was just fienin. haha the whoooole time on the plane I could not fucking sleep and I could not think about anything but sex like DAMMMITTTTTTT whats wrong with meeeeee!!!
Link2 cmmnt|choke up the words

Best fucking night of my whole life [Jun. 10th, 2009|04:33 pm]
[i feel |happyhappy]

Animal Collective was so epic.
I started tripping on shrooms while my dad drove me downtown, the sun was setting and the lights and treese were crazy.
We pull up on Central and there is seriously a line of like 100 people and I lost it.
And i peaced out of the car and got in the back of the line. It was ridiculous i look over and two chicks are dressed in crazy colorful parrot costumes. The lights from uptown and other places were flashing and there were so many people talking it made me feel nausous, I was worried. I was by myself and I called Chelsea, at which point I saw ZACHARY! Yess someone I know. I had to hold on to him and follow him
"Zach Im trippin just chill with me" So we got back in line with toly and Nick and some other chicks. I kept looking at all the different shoes on the ground. By Star Booty the red light made everyone bright red and it was nuts. I had this desire to just go sit in the little field across the street but i was fighting the urge. I could just go lay down in the grass and wait for these people to disappear
I held out and we got inside, and the guy had to ask me for my i.d like 3 times before I could even comprehend what he wanted.
"Holy shit zach. Who is this band they sound REALLY scary. The walls were rumbling with loud bass and strange noises. I split from the guys and went straight to the bathroom. So I was sittin in this stall and it was so loud, the walls felt like they were rumbling and it felt like I was sitting in a spaceship that was taking off it was so hilarious I laughed for like 5 minutes in the bathroom.
So I ran upstairs to the balcany and stood between the benches with some dudes.
Black Dice was so intense. Like this band sounded so crazy I have never even heard music like that, so much loudness and crazy electronic noises. They had a projection screen with crazy trippy colorful images faces and clouds and zebras. This shit was planned to go with the beats and everytime the pace changed I got nauseous and overwhelmed. There were so many colors and images I forgot where I was or why I was there, it sorta felt like I was floating just watching crazy images.
And then i sat on the floor to chill out and this dude is asking me if im okay, im like "yea im trippin on shrooms im kinda freakin out its so loud" and he was so helpful he let me sit in the chair and kept talking to me, him and all his buddies.
The one guy is like "wow you're tripping on mushrooms and you're by yourself? that's crazy" They all just stopped and stared at me I'm like whoaaaaaa why are you all staring at me?
I'm like "i knowww it wasn't the best idea huh" and i sorta felt retarded but they're like "NO its cool just wait till A C comes on fucking ANIMAL COLLECTIVE!" Jeff i think was his name, shakes me and says "Can you feeeeeel the vibrations?" And I start laughing.
Black Dice was just an experience in itself, so nuts. It felt like they were playing for 3 hours. at least 2.
black dice

Between bands I talked to these guys for a while. Music was still playing and the crowd was just a wave of color and it was really funny. They kept asking me questions, i tried to describe it but basically that break time was still nuts. I ran down the stairs to go to the bathroom and all the people looked really tall and strange. Old, everyone was older I was probably one of the youngest people there.
My eyes were so black. Trying to buy a shirt was a fiasco. The shirts seriously blended in with all the colorful stuff on the table along with the obvious signs with pricings but I asked what sizes and prices, i couldn't communicate with them.
I cam back and laughed so hard i cried for a really long time because a random song was playing over the speakers and it sounded like a cartoon or something it was soooo damn funny. tears pouring out of my eyes.
Me and these guys were so pumped, hooting hollering bangin on the rails I felt so comfortable, I'm glad I was with REAL fans that were as excited as me. They were from sarasota, we talked about broken social scene and how fucking cold it was, i had a freeze attack that night haha. So when Animal Collectivec came on I couldn't contain myself, i went WILD I was jumping around dancing singing screaming. Me and the guys were banging on the rails making our own beats and stomping and swaying, its a wonder we didn't fall off the balcany. But the bar underneath me had a light that kept catching my attention. the whole audience was buzzing around in color. My eyes were closed I was so into the music and every time i opened them a strobe of light would flash in my face and the orb had me mesmerized.
I jammed so fucking hard, i've never gone so crazy.
Then the tempo and song would switch to something chill and I was rocking and leaning on the rail, eyes glued on the stage. These guys were covered in sweat and their sweat was all over me but I didn't care. He kissed us all on the cheek, picked me up we all danced together
Epic show. I wish animal collective would have played more older shit, like purple bottle grass we tigers etc.
Leaf house was sweet, it was so loud and I was so deaf I couldnt hear them singing. My girls was fucking amazing.
When it was over I was overwhelmed in happiness. Nick and Zach and Matt found me and asked me a bunch of questions like how I felt about the first band black dice. They're like duuude, the whole show we were just thinking dude I wonder if emily is okay and how crazy this must be for her. Black dice was overwhelming but I'm so glad I saw the whole show.
Biggest smile on my face outside, grabbing fliers walking in circles just so hyped up but coming down from my trip. Good vibes, saxophone player. And found the animal collective reax magazine at star booty suhhweeeeeet

animal collective 4

Linkchoke up the words

cruise [Jun. 6th, 2009|09:35 pm]
[i feel |draineddrained]
[jammin to |icecream paintjob]

Riding bikes is always uplifting. Me and reanna rode down to St. Pete beach, all the way through T.I. and back.
Bridges and hills are challenging but cruising fullspeed on the way down is always the best.
Think proactively. Creative clay wasn't for me, I don't have that kind of patience.
St. pete Clay is fucking awesome and I can't wait to do my internship there! It's an old train station and I was mesmerized by the ridiculous pottery and kilns. The owner was really nice too.
The whole day spent downtown, and i visited Mark at his work and we caught up for a while.
I've been waking up and  going running, it's hot as hell but half the time I get rained on.
It is so nice to spend time with lily, she is left brained like me. She knows everything about astrology and palm reading.
At Kali's party, kids were way out of control. We ended up branching off with zach into our own room with the bottle of wine. That whole night was a nightmare-- on lockdown with all the beligerent assholes, chicks throwing up everywhere and mob of cops outside. Lucky me autumn lives like 4 houses away and she got her mama to save me! What a hilarious situation, but I am very thankful that she called her for me, I guess I owe her one. But regardless I still had to talk to police and that's exactly what I was trying to avoid the whole time fuckkk! i was drunk and had bud on me and i really just don't like getting interrogated ughhhh.
And when everyone graduated, me and Lily went to Parker's lovely house in Snel Isle. Another bottle of wine and I was thankful that everyone there was chill. Even still, we spent most of the night in the van hahaha.
The other night was girls night, we went to the beach but it was windy as shit, typicalll. Mcclain and TYLER BROWN and taylor met us.
"Emily fucking silvis. EMILY FUCKING SILVIS! I FUCKING LOVE THIS GIRL! tyler gave me a big hug.
"Tyler fucking brown, where have you been all my life."
Turns out, his sister is 12! Dude I swear last time I saw her she was about 3 years old. I can't believe it. Apparently he works at You Fit. He still looks the same as he always did, just like bigger and built, but he was always sporty.
So me and Bekah said alright this is boring and went to the car to smoke. So we're cheefin and who jumps in the back? Tyler.
Then eventually taylor, smokin all my weed. That's okay I never really mind.
And when Chrissy and Kylyn came back just the girls went to Vito and Michael's. Hugest pizza I have ever seen, ever. Drunk and yelling out loud about whose dick is bigger haha classy right? It was fun funnnn. Love my babygirls
Link3 cmmnt|choke up the words

washes [May. 26th, 2009|07:30 pm]
[i feel |blahblah]

It was good to catchup with Chels, just talk nonstop while smokin the hookah and drinkin natty lite. Josh was trippin on shrooms which is always amusing to watch. It is even better to see Chelsea topless next to the toilet laughing and screaming obsceneties. I'm like "how did you get so drunk? It's like old times!"
I left school for breakfast with Audrey and her friends, mmm pepperjack omelet! It has been raining nonstop and it makes me feel impatient and jumpy because I'm cooped up inside and I can't even go running! Day after day it rained and I swear i was going crazy, sitting there smoking weed on the porch, motionless. Watching the black sky and rain in the field across the street. I like the smell of rain.
Tom came over one day to smoke, he was really stoned and for some reason he is very amused by my brother. Raining. Bekah came over to smoke and we had those long talks. Raining still.
Friday I just got in one of those get shitfaced moods. We went to john the mexicans and jenny was there! Me and Brian played beerpong, he has a twin like me only they're identicle. John is going to let us paint a mural on the big blank wall. The rest of the night is foggy, but me and Bekah ended up at Pat's with jimmy. And what really frustrates me more than anything is that I am incapable of smoking properly out of his new sick ass bong. Like my face doesnt fit right, so i have to make fish lips (and believe me you can't really suck in air when you are making fish lips) therefore i cannot hit it and produce enough lung power. Ughhhh. That's okay, I will give all my love to his old-not-as-cool but simple bong.  We ended up randomly taking shots in the kitchen. I think the only thing to look forward to whilst being hungover is morning sex. Apparently that's the cure.
But at the same time I walked around Saturday at the mall like a fucking crippled person jesus christ i'm not an acrobat! So it was hell getting ready for prom but ma made me some iced coffee and eventually I pulled myself together. We did my hair which was a fiasco, that damn french braid. Anyway me ky chrissy kyle and tom went to mikey's for pictures. the bottle of wine pat got me was gone in less than ten minutes, I was using the wine to chase the shots of vodka. feelin merrrryyy! Driving to prom was the best part because we were jamming sooo hard we almost banged heads into eachother. ICECREAM PAINTJOB haha
what a shame everyone else was gettin kicked out. I had a grand ol time, I felt good in my dress floatin around. DJ sucked. The girlsss were grindin and they kept trying to separate us. YESSS we dance like lesbian strippers and dammit at least we get downnnnn.
"if you keep dancing like this we are going to breathalize you"
So later back at Kyle's me and Paul matched and I was ultimately blazed to the point of no return. Bek kidnapped me. i rolled the seat allll the way back and dont remember much but we drove everywhere. We went to steak and shake and couldnt stop laughing, none of us wanted to place the order cause we were too blazed. We went by tylers and apparently smoked another blunt in the car but i sorta felt like that was all a dream. And then we went to CVS where I wore Bekahs big hightop ass nikes with my prom dress. It was very classy. We snagged jason but I was still leanin all the way back in the seat, and apparently like 3 more blunts had been smoked??! I think i was passed out but then every once in a while jason woke me up and there would be a blunt in my face so i would hit it then fade out again.
back at his house and Murph finally came back from his show. Always a pleasant surprise. At pat's at fucking 4:30 because he was making a song with some dudes, but still in my dress haha what a long night.
Sunday Brian picks me up for coffee but it's memorial day so nothing is open. back at his place with alyssaaaa and john, blazin.
Went to Sawgrass again, it was hot as balls. But the tower was cool, and that black snake we saw with orange triangles.
We rented Pineapple Express, how hilarious. i love how they yell that whole entire movie. And then later Audrey brough slumdog which was absolutely amazing, very intense movie.
Tomorrow I start summer BITCHESSS
Link2 cmmnt|choke up the words

(no subject) [May. 13th, 2009|09:14 pm]
[i feel |gratefulgrateful]

There is a picture in the yearbook of me sitting on a bench talking to Dean. Fuck if I am going to buy some 70 dollar yearbook bullshit. It might sound fucked up, but I would rather leave all those people behind. I mean really, what have those people ever done for me?
Well not ALL those people, just the ones who cant seem to grasp the concept of reality and can only talk about the next fucking keg party and the keg party from the weekend before. Highschool is such bullshit, it is such a waste of time. I can truly say the only class that had any impact on me was A.P. U.S History, which has actually shaped the way i see this country and analyze current events. Every single war has has had some significance and history is always repeating itself. But there is always some asshole out there trying to put the dick in dictator, there are always crazy people and crooked corrupt politicians, terrorists and people who start revolutions.
Maybe if everyone just stopped for a second and smoked some weed all the world's problems could be solved.
And if people would put their money where there mouths are.
Regardless of all this swine flu propaganda,
I feel that I have opened myself up for all opportunities that are presented to me. there are no rules, I want to try new things, meet new people, do the things that enlighten my soul and spark my creativity.  I'm basically down for anything, anytime. just WAIT till i get my car bitchessss.
i want to see bailey too and snag one of his badass messenger bags.

maybe i can just get lost in greece, just disappear for a while.
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [May. 7th, 2009|03:32 pm]
[i feel |accomplishedaccomplished]

Time for a victory blunttttt!:)
Linkchoke up the words

Always ask questions [Apr. 30th, 2009|08:18 pm]
[i feel |aggravatedaggravated]

Why doesn't saige take me seriously when i say "you are the root of all evil, leave my girls alone they don't like you." ?
Why the FUCK do those dumbasses always feel the need to fight, and then shoot off their guns? yep a gun is what makes you a man, right? Always gotta ruin shit for everyone else tryin to have a good time.
Where's the blunt?
Oh shit, Re has it haha.
Why do I work so hard and receive so little in return?
Why do I despise 99% of the people that pass me in the hallways?
Why is Elliot doing drugs again after he's been clean for 2 months?
Why did Dean have to steal my bong and break my bowl piece?
What makes girls pull such devious fucked up shit and think they can get away with it?
WHERE is my best friend?
What is the big deal with prom, really?
Why don't people understand that I really dont want the typical idealized relationship, and that I don't need a title to be happy?
Where is my mind?

Linkchoke up the words

mmmm [Apr. 25th, 2009|02:40 pm]
[i feel |excitedexcited]

icecubes in bed
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2009|08:49 pm]
[i feel |highhigh]

I am just frustrated that this sammy/jorge shit will still resurface even though it's been like two fucking years. I never have drama, comeone why would you do this and start some bullshit in my happy carefree life? I went out of my way to talk to you and be nice, rambled for five minutes, my attempt at friendly conversation, even as you sat there with an awkward attitude. I got shot down, but what does that say about me and what does that say about you? ignorant bitch. you have a lottttt to learn. you can't hold grudges forever, you have to let it go. And that's why i decided not to show up at his house, because I am the bigger person and it's not worth fighting for. A lost cause. He is not even the same person I knew. What happened? Everyone got mind-controllingbrainwashing girlfriends. As I have stated before, happy fucking birthday, go fuck yourselves.

Nonetheless, I have had a great day, nothing brings me down on 420:)
Linkchoke up the words

jumping for joy [Apr. 14th, 2009|07:48 pm]
[i feel |goodgood]

Future is lookin bright.
I am so stoked for this internship, I hope i can do it at the Florida Craftsman gallery or with REAX magazine or something sweet.
I have decided to volunteer my services again this summer at the Arts center. Cause really, that was my second home, my escape, my favorite place to be. What's better than making art with little adorable obnoxious kids and going to the main gallery to escape? What is better than the clay studio with hotties that listen to the Pixies and Bright Eyes? (okay maybe that was long ago but still, I had the biggest crush on my clay instructor! Allison and I both know, he was too cool for his wife Cheyenne...)
What is better than embarrassing myself in front of Drew and Dane, especially because I can never tell them apart? Plus they remodeled the Arts Center. if anybody is interested in volunteering with me (weekdays like 8-12) LET ME KNOW lets do ittttt. I am very excited.
Excited for Greece! Excited to be DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL IN 6 WEEKS! i should be excited for prom, but I'm not because I dont have a date and there is no way in HELL that I could get patrick to come with me.
I am super superrr stoked because Diane the greeting card artist responded to me, she was extremely helpful and basically gave me such a boost of confidence for pursuing an art career. I have to go to Borders to buy this book she told me about.
She is amazing, really she is my inspiration I  sent her some of my work. She does botanical work
I just feel so great right now I have so many thoughts and ideas runnin through my head.
The economy is shit but i WILL succeed. I can't wait to get away from all these people that are so full of shit, people that don't care about anything except getting shitfaced every weekend.
I want to get people together and do stoned group art. I need to go see Lily so we can bounce the energy back and forth from eachother. I need to make my pinhole with Maria, i need to go bike riding with Allie. I need to make some artwork for Chelseas new apartment.
I am so happy to be on good terms with everyone! I am just happy. Stressed, but happy. I feel very appreciative right now, appreciative for the good times and good times to come. Appreciative to take on so many traits from my parents because they really are good people.
I am happy that i can get Dario to smoke weed with me even though he doesn't smoke. I am happy that Mark has so many good movies I haven't seen that i plan on watching. I am so happy MY FAVORITE COUSIN moved down and his adorable baby and wife. He is like my big brother, just knowing that he is in St. Pete permanently makes me feel safe, makes me feel invincible.
I had a fall through with pat last week, he has no right to talk about OUR personal business with other people, to make references to me like I'm a fucking go-to girl. That's not me, that's not my image and I don't have time for bullshit. I exploded but then I dropped it and I brought him the cow skull, which will end up on jimmy's trophy wall haha
I am in a rather awkward situation with a certain someone, but let's not get into that. Practically got lost and ended up by the blueberry patch. Saying goodbye, I hate saying goodbye because now what? Its just awkward and forced. I hate feeling like a tease, and I am not trying to lead anybody on. There is only one guy that I have my eyes set on. But they know that, pat knows that. I don't understand why I can't have a strictly-friend-relationship with a guy without him getting the wrong idea.
Just because I want to hangout or text you and you happen to have a penis does NOT mean I like you or want to hookup, jesus christ boys are so fucking stupid sometimes.
I just get along better with dudes, they don't get involved with drama, they make me laugh, I just feel more comfortable around guys. Its not a competition with guys or shit-talking fest, its relaxing and smoking and making morally wrong jokes.
Nobody can compare right now to Pat, regardless of how nice or good looking they can be.
"Options. I have so many options! " I used to say to Chelsea years ago and she would mock me hahaha. But I know how to resist, I won't let myself become a victim again.


Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2009|01:06 pm]
[i feel |hungryhungry]

So break is over, wow.
I feel like I got a lot accomplished, i fuckin aced my major humanities test! showin upp alllllll dem fools.
I met a lot of new people which is always a plus considering my circle of friends is spiraling off into 50 different directions.
chels just got an apartment with josh, i can longboard right over like old times.
Didn't get too much beach time, the weather was shit
smoked a lot of good buuuud, got drunk with boo a few times
just bought a sickass bong!
Ate some cookiedough flatus, I have daydreams about them they're so fucking delicious.
Bro survived a bad car accident
My dad turned the big 5 0 but just lost his job


Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Mar. 19th, 2009|08:00 pm]
[i feel |crappycrappy]

Desire still lingers
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Mar. 9th, 2009|08:31 pm]
[i feel |tiredtired]

My weekend was exhausting.
But I was happy to see Cameron, among many things, with us girls being loud and giggly in front of the crackkheads goin into the trap.
And even more happy to see his baby duckie! Soo cute.
Always happy to get my dance on, but I swear I must be fucking racist I hate all these weird foreign dudes. Gross ass desperate ass dirty ass foreigners ehhckk!
Me and Bek sorta napped in the car haha my ears were ringing from the music and everything was spinnin.
After our 3am taco bell [not once BUT TWICE!] hahaha "Go back in line we need more foooood."
I went to see Ollie. I pretty much remember talking a lot about nothing really, and then i dont remember passing out haha.
Chrissy woke me up early for zumba. Hungover and shit doin this dance workout on the beach, runnin on little sleep.
Then we layed around on the beach like walruses, until my back was so burnt I just wanted to sleep naked all night.
But I worked. And then I went out again. Time change had me fucked up, it always gets me confused. Good thing chris lived a block away from my house! I had to drive cause Bek was throwin up drunk.
I am such a good friend!
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2009|05:48 pm]
[i feel |anxiousanxious]

i am so stoned i forgot my password to log in to this haha
i must have like--abillion other passwords for other things, you just don't realize these things.
i am happy but i feel restless
i finally took the time to call my grandma, it's a shame that I never write back to her letters. When did I become too selfish to write back my poor sick grandma? Somtimes i think about the lilac room. She told me she is sending me the painting, the one of the beautiful girl with swirling hair [from the lilac room] I always wanted to stuff it in my suitcase but it was too large.
Once again, thinking about me, I asked for my mystery aunt's address. The one who painted the girl with the swirling hair, the one who designs artwork for a greeting card company..
HELLO IDOL I HAVE YET TO MEET! This is a perfect opportunity to send my shit. I only hope her and her artist husband haven't moved..
And then I bring up the cruise, no selfish intent, but she is convinced in sending me money to help me out since I paid the 3grand.
Maybe I stopped writing grandma because i can't read her scribbly cursive.
 But a phone call will do. Now my fingers are crossed.
Linkchoke up the words

female empowerment! [Mar. 2nd, 2009|05:52 pm]
[i feel |calmcalm]

I am so proud of my bekah for moving on, for refusing to be controlled by a male, because she is my sunshine and we are independent ladies.  All we need is some good reefer and music :) Damn i wish i could find the tape recorder, with our deep stoned conversations.
Everyone wants something or someone to hold on to. I remember when I held on to a controlling relationship when things became unbearable, because I was afraid to be alone. But I guess you are too blind to see your own disaster when you are in love.
People clinging to their religions to solve all their problems, it's sickening. We've been reading christian verses in class and it infuriates me that people will literally worship the bible word for word when it says ridiculous things like if you feel temptation to "sin," cut your right hand off [because masturbation is a sin] Are you kidding me? But I think religion benefits a lot of people. I am no one to pass judgement, its just not for me.
I have lost tolerance for some, but I have gained respect for others.
I think a sincere apology goes a long way.

Linkchoke up the words

Blame it on the alcohol [Mar. 1st, 2009|10:28 am]
[i feel |calmcalm]

I had all this energy inside me, I was so hyped up and all I wanted to do was dance and forget everything.
I don't know what came over me, must have been the shots.
Sandwiched between two guys, dancing like a fucking stripper. I don't normally dance provocatively like that, do I?
For some reason I just didn't give a fuck, I felt great. So many people were squished against each other and I ended up grinding on everyone.
But then there's a point in time where one guy crosses the line, and I have to push him out of the way and get back with the girls.
Soo many times I had to rescue Bekah from being smothered by some guy, dragging her away from his sweaty grasp.
I swear I could dance all night, so long as my shoes will allow it.
Linkchoke up the words

(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2009|05:06 pm]
[i feel |amusedamused]

In control and lovin it!

Slightly Stoopid last night was grand.

Elliot is here!

Linkchoke up the words

Q: [Feb. 17th, 2009|12:16 pm]
[i feel |sadsad]

Is it normal for ex girlfriends to sleep in their ex boyfriend's bed?
As far as I am concerned, that crosses the line, but it really all comes down to the situation.
I understand the situation, I understand the enormous amount of grief she is suffering from.
If I was in that position, I would probably turn to my ex boyfriend for comfort too.
He assures me nothing happened that night. "She cried herself to sleep, that was all."
So no, I am not upset.
It's just a territorial issue. That's my pillow. that's my weekend bed. That's my boo!
But he is afraid to open up, he's placed this barrier around himself and now I find it harder to read him than ever.
Did I see him on valentine's day? I had a great plan to surprise him, make the night special and fun.
Instead, he gave Audrey (model ex) flowers. We didn't speak.
Ollie gave me roses.
I guess I'm on the verge of giving up, because I don't know how to handle this distance.
Yesterday I woke him up bright and early. Doug and Jeannie can see it on my face, they feel sorry, but they are just bystanders witnessing a series of events.
It was a really nice morning.
"Why are you here so early?" he asks.
"I feel like you are more tentative in the morning. More calm. Your mind is a blank slate, so it's easier for you to listen."
I have so many mixed emotions, I like him so much, but it is all a waste of time if he is not willing to give me something in return, something that I deserve. He is amazing, but he has still not realized.
It's been a year. I have been here, and I always will.
But he will let me go

Linkchoke up the words

this one is deep [Feb. 12th, 2009|07:55 pm]
[i feel |soresore]

To the people who are hurting from this weekend, I just want to say that I am sorry for everyone's loss, the loss of Ryan King in a car accident. I hope you all find mutual support to get through this.
How tragic.
Ollie came over last night and we talked about stuff. He's got it bad, and his birthday is tomorrow, the day of the funeral. :( poor guy.
This brings back the Jesse memories, how it was such a shock to everyone in St. Pete. How everyone coped differently with his death, and how Matt pushed me out of his life because his world was shattered. And as I am currently being pushed out of Pat's life it makes me sad, because all I want is to be there for the people I care about.
Ciera's friend just died from brain cancer on Saturday, a young guy.
All this death, it's really just devastating.
I can't even imagine losing someone close to me.
But at the same time my cousin Elliot is so fucked up from drugs he might as well be dead.
My aunt says, every time she gets a phone call in the middle of the night she prays it's not the police saying something bad has happened to her son. He is hanging by a thread, his wife and life are just out of reach. I want to see the baby so bad.
And Elliot, he went to rehab. He has been clean for about 3 weeks now, and Saturday he should be coming down to St. Pete!
I could not be more excited. I need to talk to my cousin, I need him to realize the things he told me many years ago.
The advice his heart wants to follow but his body cannot because he is so dependent on this evil little drug.
Elliot, he has lost, what, like 5 or 6 of his bestfriends, to drugs and car accidents. That is a lottttt of friends, believe that he is the strongest person I know. And he warned me that it would happen, that I would watch people turn into dust and memories. He told me that weed was the only drug I would ever need to be happy, and that people would always try to make everything else seem more glamorous.
"I've seen what drugs do to people, and believe me it's not pretty."
So while I am taking the time to focus on me, I have made many promises to myself that I am going to keep.
But I am also taking the time to focus on the people that need me, the people that I care about.
Linkchoke up the words

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